One Year Ago… XII

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That awkward feeling didn’t go away. I kept telling myself, if I don’t go home, I’m never going to get there. All we keep doing is starting up a new conversation. Awe but look at those pretty blue eyes, do I really want to leave them… No Nicole don’t get ahead of yourself. 1 date, it’s not marriage. We were close, in fact he was hugging me because it was chilly out that night/er morning. And then, there it was, he kissed me. It was shocking, it was different, it was nice, so many emotions running through me. I even almost felt like I was cheating on the ex but I wasn’t with him anymore, it’d just been so long since I had kissed anyone other than the ex that it felt weird.

Yeah I think I was on cloud 9 that moment in time. I finally made it into my car and headed home. Before I left he asked me to come over to his mom’s house the next day before he had to go back to Kentucky. I was a little hesitant and told him I’d talk to him in the morning after I woke up. I really wasn’t sure when I’d get up. (yes I was finally sleeping at this point.) He said, well I’ll call you.

I went to pull out the driveway and I called him and told him that he had to talk to me all the way home so that for one I stayed awake and for 2 he knew I made it. And he did. Of course I went back to spastic talking about nothingness because again, I was back to being nervous. There was this great guy that had just kissed me. What was I supposed to do now? I got home, got off the phone, turned out all the lights went upstairs and crashed on my bed about 3:45 am.

The next morning around 10am I woke up to my phone ringing. I really thought that it was my alarm going off and I started grumbling trying to figure out how to shut the stupid thing off. After many attempts it dawned on me that it was the phone ringing and I proceeded to answer it in a groggy I just woke up voice.

“Good Morning!”

“You are to peppy for me.”

“Did I wake you?”

“I don’t think so…” yes you did but I guess I’m up now I’ll talk 🙂

“Are you going to come over?”

“What time is it?”

“Around 10am.”

“Um… yeah I’ll be over… it’ll probably be noon before I can get there I think.”

“I can’t wait to see you! Bye for now!”

“bye” and I think I fell back on my bed and fell back asleep.

About 5-10 minutes later (no idea I fell back asleep) my mom started hollering at me. I got up and went to see what she wanted. She asked how my night was and how the guy was, asked how dinner was and what we did after that. I told her dinner was great and we drug him to the mall. My dad rolled his eyes at me and my mom laughed and then she asked if I wanted to go to town with her. I sheepishly grinned and said, well I kind of already made plans to go see him before he leaves to go back to Kentucky but I can call him and cancel if you want. She told me nope, you do what you want, we can go to town some other time.

I walked back into my room and started throwing my clothes around to find just the perfect outfit. I wanted to look hot but not like I was trying. Be dressed right but not over dressed. Oh heck, what do you wear in times like this? Truthfully I wanted to wear what I wore the night before after I changed clothes at Jamie & Brians (cute jeans, and 2 spaghetti strap shirts, one white one blue) but wait, he saw me in those. I think I went for another pair of jeans a t-shirt, girly cut, fixed my hair the best I could, put on my boots, and ran out the door. I was nervous all over again.

When I got there, he and his mom were walking around outside watering the horses. I walked up and was introduced to his mom. Nothing like meeting the folks right off the bat huh? He told me who all the horses were and who they all belonged to, then took me into the shop and showed me around. Showed me the unfinished bar and the hottub, the saddles, particularly his saddle and just all kinds of things. It was turning out to be a warm day so we went into his mom’s house. We settled in on the couch watching tv.

It was time for his mom to start getting ready for work not long after I got there and I have no recollection of her getting ready or leaving. Yup, I fell asleep laying next to him on the couch. I woke up 2 hours later, embarrassed. We sat around and talked a little while longer and then he had to leave to make the 7 1/2 hour trip back to Kentucky so I went home.

It was weird, I felt so comfortable around him and it scared the begeezes out of me. I didn’t think I was supposed to feel that way around anyone.

I walked into my house around 4pm and my dad asked me how my day was. I looked at him and just lost it. I broke down in tears and bawled my eyes out. He looked at me a little puzzled and I got myself collected and told him I had a good day. He asked what that was all about then and I said, I had fun. I’m not used to feeling this way. I feel like I was cheating on {the ex}.

He told me that it’s good that I had fun. It was ok to go have fun. We put an end to the other and so I wasn’t cheating but that he could see after that long how it could be that way. He then asked if I was going to see the guy again.

I said yeah, I think so. I didn’t really tell him yes or no. My dad again looked at me puzzled. I explained that he said he’d be up the next weekend to see his daughter. They were having a big party at his sisters house and he’d like for me to come over, if I wanted. My dad said so are you going. I told him I wasn’t sure. I thought I wanted too but did I really want to meet his daughter? That concept still seemed really weird and really hard for me. My dad said, well if you don’t there are other ones out there, and worse case scenario, you can stay here the rest of your life. We aren’t going to throw you out anytime soon. I grinned and again broke down in tears. I just couldn’t help it.

I went upstairs and took a shower. I figured a shower would help make me feel better, especially since I didn’t get one at 3:45 when I got home.

As I was getting out of the shower my phone started ringing.

Remember you love me right??

To be continued… I know I’m mean, right 😉


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