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One Year Ago… Part 27

Once Thanksgiving hits, everything is such a whirlwind that it feels like there is absolutely no down time until January hits. This year proved no different. After we got back from Ft. Worth the next thing we looked forward to was heading to Kansas City.

Every year, the Sunday before Christmas we head to Kansas City to celebrate Christmas with my grandpa’s sister and her family. This fell on our weekend to have his daughter but we usually have to have his daughter home at 6 on Sunday’s. With driving to KC there wasn’t any guarantee when we’d be back. He worked out with his ex-wife that his daughter could go with us and he’d just bring her back first thing Monday morning.

To save ourselves a little time PC and his daughter stayed the night at my parents house so we didn’t have to get up nearly as early. PC slept on the couch and his daughter slept in my bed with me. I’d never slept next to a little kid before and she was extremely snuggly (like I was as a child) so she immediately snuggled in next to me and was out. I on the other hand was extremely worried about rolling over on her in the middle of the night or else pushing her out of bed or something so my brain kept me awake all night long. Every 20-30 minutes I’d stare at her to make sure she was still breathing. I’ll probably be one of those paranoid mothers if I ever have my own child. Needless to say I got about 2 hrs total sleep that night.

First thing Sunday morning we loaded up in the Mustang, met my grandparents at my parents driveway and tag-teamed our way up to KC. PC I think was a little nervous and a little excited to meet yet another side of the family. I think his daughter was just bored. (What ever did my parents do with me when I was her age… we didn’t have built in DVD players or anything… we survived. Yeah the Mustang doesn’t have that either but I’m happy to report she survived just fine!) After a few wrong turns we wound up at the restaurant for brunch. Grandpa’s family knew that I was bringing them up with me and they could hardly contain their excitement to meet them.

After brunch we all headed to Margie’s House. This was the first year for that, usually we went to Aunt Sue’s. Margie had the neatest Christmas tree. She told us she got it on the Plaza at the Hallmark store so PC, his daughter and I loaded up in the car and took off for the Plaza in search for this tree. We wondered around on the plaza for a couple hours going in to different stores and looking and having no luck finding the tree so we headed back to Margie’s house. About the time we got back everyone started planning on leaving so we grabbed a few snacks, loaded up in the car and took off for home. Just before we left Aunt Sue pulled me aside and asked if we were sure his daughter wasn’t mine because she responded so well to me and even looked like me. My heart swelled

PC and I made a deal, I drove up, he drove home. Sitting in the passenger seat and lack of sleep the night before I started to doze off. I felt guilty for sleeping though so eventually I started playing with the apps on my iPhone. I have a game called This or That so PC and I started playing this. Eventually his daughter put up her DS and started answering the questions as well so I added her in on the game. We played this for an hour and a half.

Once we got back to town we thought it might be fun to go through the display of Christmas lights that the Vietnamese put on so we headed into town. Once we were done, we went and put gas in my car, they took me home and then got in his truck and headed home. I walked into my bedroom and passed out on my bed, not to wake until that dumb alarm went off at 6:30 the next morning.

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My aunt is an ER doctor in southern Oklahoma. When it comes to planning Christmas we not only have the factor of weather but also the factor of her schedule of when she works and when she doesn’t. It is a 5 1/2 hour trip to her house one way. This year she had to work on Christmas Day so they planned on driving up on the 23rd, doing Christmas with my mom’s side of the family on Christmas Eve morning and then they’d head home that afternoon. We had started listening to weather predictions earlier in the week and heard that our part of the country was going to have snow dumped on us Christmas Eve into Christmas day so plans got changed. Once they arrived on the 23rd, we were going to do Christmas and then they were going to head home first thing Christmas Eve.

PC worked out with his ex-wife to allow his daughter to come over to the house on the night of the 23rd to celebrate Christmas with us. I wound up having to work on the 23rd so his ex-wife met me in the parking lot of my work where I picked his daughter up and brought her to the house. I was a little nervous because I didn’t have my back up with me. He was at my house helping my mother get ready for Christmas dinner. I faced his ex alone and I was extremely nervous. I drove up to our meeting destination and started rearranging his daughter’s car seat so she could jump in just as they pulled into the parking lot. I buckled her in and away we went. She and I pulled in my parents driveway just before my aunt & uncle did.

His daughter and my mother have this game they play. She gets on all fours under the kitchen table and barks like a dog. My mom goes on and on about who let the dog in (usually my dog Morelli b/c he lets himself in when he shouldn’t) and they go back and forth for quite a while like that. Today held no difference:

She kicked her shoes off at the door, threw her coat on the couch and jumped under the kitchen table.
-Woof Woof
-Who let that dog in the house again?
-Woof
I proceed through the door.
-Well Nicole I thought you were bringing Tbug home with you.
-um… I was. She might still be in the car.
-Woof
-Nicole did you let Morelli in?
-(me) Morelli? Morelli, Come here Morelli…. Well I don’t know where he went. He isn’t coming.
-Woof.

PC & my dad ran downstairs to help my aunt and uncle bring presents in to the house. Once they got inside my mom said, “Tbug, stand up here for a minute. I’d like to introduce you to my sister and brother-in-law.”

And with that she came out from under the table, stood up next to my mom and shook their hands. My mom then told her she was done and she said, “Okay.” and ran off into the living room where she got back down on all fours and started jumping around. My aunt & uncle were extremely impressed with her and my mom boasted on how well behaved she was. Then my uncle went into the living and started playing with Tbug.

Now my uncle is just as much of a kid when it comes to opening presents so he conned Tbug into running in and saying, “Are we going to open presents yet?” Of course we all laughed and my mom said but I thought we’d eat dinner first. Well that got me chiming in saying, I’m going to distribute presents. Dinner isn’t ready yet anyway and we all headed for the living room. At the end of the night we had to take Tbug back to her momma’s house but if they could have, I think my aunt and uncle would have wrapped her up and taken her home with them.

PC stayed the night at my parents house that night because the next morning Tbug and her mom, step dad, sister, grandma & uncle were coming out to our house. She wanted a saddle for Christmas with a pink blanket so we helped her momma locate one for her. Since they don’t have horses and we do they gave her the present on Christmas Eve morning and then headed out to my house so Tbug could try out her new saddle.

PC and I got up that morning to a nasty, cold, misty rain. We made breakfast and then headed outside to saddle up Aloha and ride her down a bit before they got to my house. Once we had her warmed up and the “buck” out of her (it was cold and she hadn’t been ridden in a couple days, but she really doesn’t buck, she’s to lazy) we went and stood in the barn waiting on them. Once they arrived we walked outside and saddled up Aloha and helped Tbug get on her back. Then we lead her out into the round pen and let her ride around. Eventually her sister wanted on too so I picked her sister up and carried her over the mud hole and put her in front of Tbug. Since it was cold and misty they didn’t last but maybe 15-20 minutes and then they were done. We walked Aloha back to the barn, unsaddled her, brushed her off, gave her treats and then they left. Once they were gone I ran in the house and jumped in a screaming hot shower. PC was soon to follow.

That afternoon we played John Deere Monopoly, one of his Christmas presents. We’d had plans that evening to attend midnight mass at church and then stay the night at his mom’s house so we could be at his sister’s first thing Christmas morning. We watched the tv all afternoon as more and more churches and area businesses were canceling due to the inclement weather. About 6 we decided to go ahead and head to his mom’s house so we wouldn’t be on the roads any later than need be but we were smart because we drove his truck. We waited up to hear his mother made it home from work and then we both crashed.

I’ve always had this bad habit of waking up at the crack of dawn on Christmas morning, this year proved no different. I was wide awake at 5am. Unfortunately I woke him up as well. We laid there watching Christmas Vacation with Chevy Chase until it was time to get up and get dressed to head to his sisters house. We walked out on the porch of his mom’s house to single digit temps and 2 feet of snow. It was the first year we’d had snow on Christmas morning in 7 years.

PC, his mom and I loaded up in his truck and drove down the road to his sisters house. His dad showed up about 15 minutes after we did. When we got there his sister had a fantastic breakfast ready for us. We ate breakfast and opened presents, then we loaded back up in his truck, took his mom home and took off for my grandparents house.

On our way to my grandparents house my mom called to say we had forgotten to put Santa presents out so we made a quick detour to my house and found the hidden Santa presents and then went on to my grandparents house. When we got there my grandma tried to feed us breakfast again but we declined. Once everyone had eaten we went into the living room where I played Santa again and passed out all the presents. About 11:30 PC got a call from his ex-wife and went to meet her to pick up Tbug. As he was pulling out of the driveway his mother was pulling in.

Once we ate lunch at my grandparents house we then headed back to my house for Santa presents. After she opened the last present she looked at me and said, “Is that all?” I was ready to crawl in a hole. That absolutely broke my heart. My first time getting to play Santa and she wasn’t happy with what we got her.

Memaw wanted to spend some time with Tbug so she went home with Memaw. PC stayed with me. After all the excitement and waking up at the crack of dawn I went, laid down on my bed and he and I slept that afternoon away. We woke up that evening and spent some time watch some movies with my parents and then we all went to bed. PC stayed the night at my house that night too because the next morning we were getting up early to hit the After Christmas Sales on the search for his daughter’s Birthday present.

….To Be Continued….

One Year Ago… Part 26

Once the tree was up, the next week we planned on decorating it. We went to the basement and brought up all the tree ornaments. Even acted like we were kissing under mistletoe when in fact, it was a tree limb. Hey you can have fun too right :). Who cares that we decorated on Monday night? The Monday night that was still in November. Heck we put the tree up in November, why not :).

Tuesday night was the Christmas parade. We headed to town to go watch his daughter with her cheerleading. She actually found us and ran up and gave us both a hug and then proceeded on down the path. Then her mother called and said his daughter wanted to see us so we trekked down the road to go meet up with them. She gave us both a hug and I swear my heart melted right there in the 40 degree weather. We told her we’d be over to pick her up Friday night and we left. It was kind of obvious she liked me and that meant a lot to me, especially because her daddy had dated another gal a few years prior and she didn’t care for her and told him so. I was still scared though with the thought she’d told her mother, “I don’t want a step-mother, they’re mean.”

Later that week we drug my Christmas tree up out of the basement and decorated it too. What can I say I like Christmas decorations and decorated houses and I had a helper :). We started going through the ornaments carefully because I wasn’t sure what we would find. The last time I had it out, the year before, I’d been dating someone else and I couldn’t remember what was put away. We also went through the ornaments and decided which we liked and which we didn’t and referred to this tree as Our Tree.

(more…)

One Year Ago… Part 25

I was driving down the back road talking to him when all the sudden I screamed.

There she was, a big, fat, black, momma cow (Angus) standing in the middle of the road chewing her cud. I slammed on my breaks when out of the corner of my eye in the right ditch I saw something red. Another cow (Hereford). By this point I dropped my phone in my lap and was bracing myself for the worst. I got stopped and of course the cow just looked at me. I tried to slow my heart down and then I saw a third cow in the left ditch, she was white (Charolais). I realized I had dropped my phone and picked it back up.

-Are you ok? Where are you? Talk to me? Nicole, Nicole, Nicole…. Answer me sweetheart.
-Yeah I’m fine. Cows are out.
-Whose cows?
-Larry’s maybe, Becky’s, I don’t know I’m kind of right in the middle of their property (they own both sides of the road).
-Should you call them?
-Don’t have their numbers anymore.

I proceeded to pull out around the cow and proceeded on down the road. Funny thing with those crazy experiences, you sort of forget what was wrong if there was something. By the time I got home I told him I was going to go in the house and go to sleep. I was tired. But you know how that goes once the adrenalin went away I knew what we’d been talking about. We were upset so I laid there and tossed and turned. Finally I couldn’t take it anymore and about the time I went to call him, my phone rang. We talked the whole mess out for quite a while. What upset me, what upset him, how there was a big misunderstanding, and how I didn’t rank 2nd in his book.

We finally got it talked out and both went to sleep. I woke up the next morning groggy but I got up and got ready and we headed to church, of course he was to my house before I was ready to go… what’s new :).

*******************

This coming weekend (Nov 21) was his weekend to have his daughter but she had a cheerleading competition in Tulsa. She stayed Friday night with her mom and she took her down. Then he and I got up first thing Saturday morning and headed down to T-town. We had a little time to kill before heading to the cheerleading competition so we went to Drysdales. That’s where I bought his Christmas present and something for his daughter. Oh boy I was in good now.

Every year in December my family heads to Ft. Worth, TX for the NCHA Cutting Horse Futurity. The boots he had stunk to high heavens. In fact I told him they weren’t allowed anywhere near the truck when we were packing up. My mom and I had talked about it and I decided I was going to buy him boots for Christmas, give him criteria though… he could wear them in Ft. Worth but then they were going back in the box and under the Christmas tree. While we were at Drysdales i found the boots I was buying him. I had him try them on, made sure he liked them, bought them and they went straight into the trunk of the car.

Then we headed to Union High School for the competition. Once we left there we had plans to go see “A Christmas Carol” at the Imax theater. (btw don’t let your little kids watch that, esp in 3d… it was scary!) I know my way around Tulsa fairly decent but we had PC’s tom tom, Ditsy, with us to help. She got us to Union High school just fine, the Imax theater was a different story. She took us 14 miles out of our way and dropped us off in the middle of a housing development. We just looked at each other and laughed while his daughter was in the backseat complaining about being bored. I got out the trusty handy dandy iPhone and got us back. (side note, all we had to do was go under the bridge and we’d be to the Imax theater)

After a fun filled day in Tulsa we piled back in the Mustang and headed for home.

***********

Thanksgiving week was the week. A new test was about to emerge… he had to meet my mom’s sister and brother-in-law. They were all excited to meet this new guy. I was scared to death :). We got there on Thanksgiving day in time to eat dinner/lunch (depending on what part of the country you’re from). He and I both jumped in making some of the side dishes and helping my aunt out. Once we got mostly done he then went into the living room with my dad and uncle to watch tv and hang out with them. Immediately my aunt (AC) told me she liked him, that he treated me great and she could tell he loved me.

The next day the girls went shopping in the big city (Dallas) and the boys stayed on the ranch to bum around. I got text messages and phone calls all day from my sweetheart asking what was going on and if I was enjoying myself.

On Saturday we headed home.

Sunday he and I proceeded to put up my mom’s Christmas tree. We didn’t decorate it but we put it up to make sure that it got up before the weekend before Christmas.

to be continued…..

One Year Ago… Part 24

He stayed at the house with me for a while until it was time to head to bed and then he went home. While he was driving I hopped in the shower. When I got out he was home and we both went to sleep.

Up to this point we hadn’t had a whole lot of run-ins with the ex wife. She kept to herself, we kept to ours other than when PC would go to pick up his daughter or we’d take her home. Unfortunately, that all changed.

I am an avid Dancing with the Stars fan. I try to not miss an episode. In fact I want to take Ballroom dance lessons myself someday just to say I can do it. Monday night is the competition with the results show on Tuesday nights.

This particular Monday night PC came over to watch. He wanted to spend time with me, it was his first night home where I was back in town as well and since I watch so did he. This is also the night I started loathing Facebook.

Everything was going off without a hitch, I got home and chores were done. PC and my dad saddled up horses and worked them. Then they came in and I had dinner ready and we all sat down and started watching Dancing with the Stars. He posted a status on facebook saying that he was sitting with his baby and her family watching Dancing with the Stars. It wasn’t even half an hour later after the post and he started getting text messages from his ex-wife about how he shouldn’t be spending time with me, he should be spending time with his daughter, especially now that he was home and she had told her that her daddy would spend more time with her and it upset her. She was at home upset that her dad wasn’t spending more time with her and on and on and on. Of course that made for a very unpleasant evening. He was upset, I was upset. Eventually it was time to go to bed so he left and both of us were so upset. I didn’t sleep well that night and I don’t think he did either.

The next night when I got home from work he was there with chores done and of course we all rode horses again. This is how it went the rest of the week.

My friend Nicole and her fiance Ed were due to get married on October 24th so before their wedding they had a Showerception thrown for them on the 10th. It started out as a wedding shower and quickly turned into a reception since they were headed to Eureka Springs to get married.

I had been taking photography classes and so earlier in the afternoon on the 10th PC and I went around town playing with my camera and doing photo shoots. Eventually we wound up at the Showerception to celebrate with Nicole & Ed. The next morning we got up, went to church and did another photo shoot. This is how our weeks went along with every other weekend we’d have his daughter.

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November 14th was dinner club, this time out we headed to a town an hour from here for dinner. After dinner PC and I decided to hit the cheap movies. Tickets were $2 a piece so we thought heck why not. While sitting in the movie theater his cell phone vibrated. It was his ex wife texting him saying that she and her family had been in Branson for the day and were headed home. His daughter wanted to stay the night and she said it was okay so could she drop her off. This was a weekend that wasn’t our weekend to have his daughter, that’s why we’d decided to head out of town for dinner and then a movie. He sent her a message saying he wasn’t home. She proceeded to reem him a new one through text again about how he didn’t have a job and was going out on the town, etc. At this point I told him to point out the fact that I was the one buying. That calmed her down a bit but she still continued to reem on him about spending time with his daughter.

By this point I was getting upset. We had paid to watch a movie and now neither one of us were watching it because she wouldn’t quit texting and he wouldn’t quit answering her. Finally I told him to tell her that we were in the movies and that he wasn’t going to answer her anymore and for the first time he took his frustration out on me and snapped at me. I slid to the other side of my seat and kept to that side the rest of the movie.

I was upset. We’d paid to go to the movies. We were out on a date which didn’t happen a lot. We were out together by ourselves and he allowed the texting to ruin the mood of the evening. I was heartbroken. I had a feeling this is how the rest of everything would be if I stayed with him. I couldn’t handle that. I didn’t want to handle that. I didn’t want to be second rate to his ex-wife. That’s why they weren’t married anymore.

After the movie was over we went out to my car and I drove home. Once I got to his house, I let him out of the car, I didn’t linger, I didn’t dottle, I just said I was tired and I headed home. This had given me a lot to think about. I was the master texter, I sent and received a lot but when I was out for an evening I quit taking messages or slowed it down depending on the situation. Anytime his ex-wife would text, he immediately dropped what he was doing and answered which usually ended up in a texting fight. I couldn’t handle it. I didn’t want to be second rate, especially not to an ex-wife. I was hurt and everything my mom had said before about always being second started filling my head. Here was a great guy that I loved but I was afraid I’d always be second. I know his daughter is important and any issue dealing with her is absolutely important but for the ex to just start chewing him out and ruin our mood completely was a little more than I could deal with.

He called me as I was leaving his house to talk. It was hard to talk to him. I had so many mixed emotions going on. I loved him so much but the fact that his ex ruined our mood a lot was so much to deal with.

I was driving down the back road talking to him when all the sudden I screamed.

Oh yeah, I’m that mean… to be continued…

One Year ago… Part 23

So Thursday night my mom and I had plans to leave for Texas. We were going to drive as far as my aunts house in southern Oklahoma and then on Friday morning drive on in to Weatherford. Sill me had forgotten something at home that morning and when PC found out he made a special trip to my house just to pick it up for me. He was waiting for me when I came out of work that afternoon to say good bye and bring me what I forgot. I hopped out of my car and ran around to his truck and gave him a bear hug. I was so excited he was home and so sad I was leaving. Again my mom asked if I still wanted to go to Texas. I told her yes. She said ok then quit hugging him and let’s hit the road.
I’m a big stickler about Don’t Text and Drive so I didn’t get to talk to him much on my way down, I was driving. But you can bet every time we stopped I took the opportunity to if nothing more, at least tell him where we were in the state. Once we got to my aunt’s house I called him and talked to him while I got ready for bed.

Turns out that evening he had gone over to my parents house and rode horses with my dad and hung out for the evening. He had just left to go home shortly before I called to say we’d made it to my aunt’s house. It tickled my heart that he was comfortable enough to just hang out with my dad and there was someone to keep my dad company while mom & I were out of town.

Friday morning my mom and I got up and were out of my aunt’s house by 8am to head on into to Weatherford. The whole time we were on the road (night before and that morning) all I could do was talk about my PC. The way he treated me. How special he made me feel.

We got to Weatherford, navigated all the road detours and wound up at the Brazos Arena and met up with my Aunt. We got there just in time to watch my uncle show. After he showed we went down to the show floor and talked to him for a bit. Of course they were interested to know about this “New” guy, especially since they realized I was standing their texting him the whole time I was talking to them. I tried to play it cool, it just wasn’t happening.

Then my uncle jumped on his horse and rode over to talk to other people about his ride. My mom, aunt & I continued to stand there and talk when all the sudden I got this text. I just about died laughing.

Ass Hole

I shared with my mom & aunt and then proceeded to forward it on to my uncle. Wouldn’t you know he didn’t receive picture texts so all he got was “Ass Hole”. I about died in my tracks when my aunt told me that and I saw the look on my uncles face. I immediately made my aunt take my phone over to my uncle to show him the picture. I think that’s the minute my uncle liked PC and he’d never met him.

We all proceeded to walk around the show grounds for a while and I took PC pictures of everything I saw. Then mom, my aunt and I decided it was time to go do girl things and go shopping so my aunt changed her shoes and shirt and stole my uncle’s ball cap and away we went. We all piled into my Mustang and took off for a day of shopping.

Eventually we wound up at this very cool western store that specialized in material and western house apparel. I wondered around and that’s when I saw it. Blue & Brown material. It was the stuff bedding is made out of, or you use to upholster furniture or the opportunities are endless, all I knew is I loved it!

So here’s where awkwardness plays in, not once had PC and I talked about marriage or the future or anything of the sorts, but I found this material and knew that this was “the material” for my bedroom someday. Someday when I was a Mrs. married to the Mr. I got this weird haunch too that maybe I had found the Mr. for my picture. I used the camera on my iPhone and took a picture and sent it to him. Just asked his opinion. Never implied anything, just more of a curiosity thing. He said he really liked it and wondered what it was for. I said oh I don’t know, I just saw it and really liked it, so someday when you get a place of your own, what color do you want your bedroom. I didn’t wait for a text back, I immediately called him for his answer. He chuckled and said I don’t know, I never planned that far ahead. I told him I never had either but I was really feeling a blue & brown room, what did he think of that. Again a chuckle and he said he liked it.

That was it, I knew I had to have this material. I ran it past my mom and asked her what she thought about making me a blue & brown bedroom (she sews) someday. She said sure she’d make me a bedroom outfit out of it. That’s when my aunt jumped in and said she’d buy all the material if I wanted for Christmas. Wow my Christmas present this year from her was easy :).

We left there and ran to Target where I proceeded to buy a highlight kit because my mom said she’d do the highlights in my hair and back to the hotel we went. I have enough hair it seemed like it took forever. Finally 2 1/2 hours later we met back up with my aunt & uncle and their hired hand and went to dinner.

When we got back to the hotel I didn’t want to talk to PC in front of my mom so I walked out of the room in my PJ’s and boots and wandered the hallways talking on my cell phone telling him about my day.

Somewhere around this trip my mom’s attitude toward him started to change for the better. I’m not exactly sure when, why or how but it did and it was obvious.

The next day was a lot of the same, shopping & horse shows. Then we got up to drive home early Sunday morning. PC kept asking where we were on our drive home. 7 1/2 hours later when I pulled into my driveway, the big red truck was waiting for me.

…. to be continued…

One Year Ago… Part 22

After his grandma’s funeral, he had to leave to go back to Kentucky. On Friday he sent me the news that he was going to give his 2 weeks notice and he was moving home. I was super excited but I was worried. We are from SW MO, from a town that is one of the cheapest areas to live in in the country. He made good money working on the Army base… and he was choosing to give that up and move here. Here where he probably wouldn’t make what he did down there, not at least without a college education. My fears set in.

I had even somewhat contemplated trying to possibly move down there. I wasn’t as worried about me finding a job, even though jobs are hard to come by, facts are facts in this economy, but I have a teaching degree, I have experience waitressing, I have typing skills, etc. Not to say he doesn’t have skills. He was a computer techy, and those jobs come with wanting degrees. I was worried. Then he said the words that made me smile. I’m going to go back to school.

Even those words didn’t completely make me at ease because he still had a daughter to care for but I wasn’t nearly as worried. I can’t tell you what came over me but I wasn’t completely worried about it all, just a slight fear. I just knew we’d have some tough times ahead of us but let’s face it, I was head over heels for this guy, bring it on, we’ll face it together.

Saturday brought on dinner club. I wasn’t about to ask him to come home just to go to dinner with me, that’s a long drive just for dinner. Especially trying to save money so he could move home to me for good.

I had been taking a photography class with my friends Josh & Evelyn. Josh got a great idea, let’s get our friends Chris & Tiffany to pose for us and use this opportunity to practice taking shots in different locations. So Josh came by and picked me up on his way to Springfield and we rode up together. We talked about a lot of things but every time Prince Charming came up Josh instantly changed the subject. In my mind I thought, oh good, it hasn’t worked itself out yet.

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One Year Ago… Part 21

My parents, PC and I had plans to go eat dinner tonight at a Cajun restaurant called Bayou. It was her idea. She told PC if he came back Labor Day weekend we’d all go eat there. She proceeded to tell me that because we went to the movies the night before and dinner, my dad had spent way to much money since we didn’t buy anything for ourselves so we weren’t going tonight. I just stared at her speechless. It was her IDEA… but whatever.

Finally I said, we didn’t ask you to buy ours, we were going to.

-Well you didn’t jump up there to do it so we just figured we had to buy yours.

-No, you didn’t give us a chance.

-Well we’ll only go tonight if you pay for your own.

-That’s fine, we never asked for you to pay for ours anyway!

Boy this had me fuming mad. It just hit me funny. First off my parents have never told me anything like this so I was completely taken off guard. And secondly, well there was no secondly because this was a first.

I went upstairs just floored and called PC to tell him, make sure he still wanted to go. Of course I got him all worked up just like I was.

So yeah apparently my mom was back on the not liking him. Who knows. Like I said she’s never done anything like this to me…

Well wouldn’t you know, by the time dinner time came around she “wasn’t feeling good” and didn’t want to go. She didn’t want us going either but my dad went in, changed his clothes looked at PC and me and said, load up, let’s go. We jumped in the truck, more fun than staying there with someone who didn’t want us around, or so it felt.

When the waitress brought the bill after dinner PC went to grab it and my dad beat him to it. They fought over who was going to pay for quite a while and eventually my dad won out. When we got back home PC kept going I would have paid. I was even going to buy your dads. I said I know, I don’t know. I’m not sure if that speech this morning was coming from him or her or them. I don’t know.

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One Year Ago…. Part 20

-Good Night. I lo……. and stopped in mid sentence. Oh crap, please tell me he didn’t just hear that. I shut up instantly.
-What did you say?
-Nothing.
-No I heard you. You started to say something.
-No I didn’t. I tripped over a dog.
-Are you sure?
-Absolutely!
-Ok……?!?!
-Good bye, drive careful! Let me know when you make it home! If you need to talk later give me a holler.
-OK. Good ByeAnd we hung up the phone.

Oh. My. Gosh. Did I really almost just say that? Surely it was out of habit… right? I mean I haven’t said it to anyone other than my parents and grandparents in a while, but yeah surely that’s what it was. I hope he didn’t hear me. Surely not. I had him believing me anyway, it’s all good…. I think. Then I opened the door and walked in the house.

About 9:45 I gave him a call to see where he was. He said he was about 1 1/2 hrs or so from home. I told him I still wanted him to call me but that I was going to sleep. If I didn’t answer just leave me a message and we hung up.

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The next day at work I struck up a conversation with my BOM (Brother of mine as I call him), Kalem. I told him what I almost said. He was shocked. I told him I was too. I told him surely it was just habit. He asked if I ended every phone conversation that way. No, I answered. I haven’t even been tempted.

So yeah that got me to thinking. But they say that guys are very touchy about this type of thing. Don’t say it to fast, don’t be the first to say it, etc. Surely I didn’t feel that way anyway, right? It didn’t help that my work day was rather redundant. I spent the entire day working on the same spread sheet and my eyes were going cross, but it was just cut and paste, cut and paste so it gave my brain lots and lots of time to wander and think.

Well heck, even if I did feel that way, I have to make sure this isn’t a rebound thing. It’s only fair to both of us, so I figured I’d ponder things a while longer and make sure my feelings were real. If they weren’t, well heck it was a mix up and it could happen to anyone right?

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One Year Ago… Part 19

I made it home. Told him good night and hung up the phone. The next day was Sunday. It was very un-eventful. He had to head home and make sure he got home at a decent hour. He and his daughter swung by to pick me up on their way for him to take her home. Again the anxiety attack happened… would I see her mother? What would she look like? I actually had to calm my nerves down because her mother was on a cruise. We were actually taking his daughter to stay with her step-dad and little sister. When he pulled up they jumped out and his daughter yelled, “I love you Nicole.” and gave me a hug. I told her that back and instantly my heart was filled with warmth.

Because he had to make it a point to be back to work on time the next morning he told me he was no doubt going to leave early in the afternoon. Especially since he had been away for 2 weeks. I told him I understood completely. We drove back to my house talking and reminiscing on all the fun we’d had the prior 2 weeks. When we got to my house I told him that I would drive over to his house and help him pack up if he needed. He told me that wasn’t necessary but if I wanted to come over I was more than welcome.

He left before I did. I told him I’d be over shortly. I ran in the house to tell my parents I’d be back, grabbed my car keys and headed his direction.

Suddenly sadness hit me. He wasn’t going to be there when I got home from work anymore. In fact I wasn’t going to see him again for a while. The next weekend was Labor day weekend and he contemplated coming home but wasn’t sure if he could or would.

When I got there I helped him pack up his stuff and take it out to his truck. He kept lingering around. I could tell he didn’t want to leave either. I finally told him I was leaving. I knew he’d stay longer if I didn’t and his parents and I neither one wanted him on the road that late. I told him I had to run to town after some things. I didn’t have to but that was my excuse. We both pulled out of the driveway, drove up to 37 hwy, I went left and he went right. I couldn’t help myself, I started to cry.

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One Year Ago… Part 18

I heard that sound of the motorcycle go off. I dreaded that sound. I wasn’t sure why that sound was going off. I still had the ex’s number in my cell phone, I still had a certain ringtone set to it so I’d know if it was him trying to call me. It had basically been just shy of 2 months since we’d talked other than I got a text on my birthday saying Happy Birthday. Crap, I’ve been having such a good go at things, I didn’t want to be in a bad mood. It was already late, I didn’t want to get into a fight on the phone. I didn’t want to talk to him really… To answer, not to answer, what do I do??? I finally decided it was 11:30 and I had to get up early. I refused to answer the phone.

Eventually it quit ringing. Well Crap, now I’m going to lie awake wondering what he wanted, right? Wrong, I think I stayed up a couple more minutes to see if he left me a voicemail… if it was important he’d leave me a voicemail or send me a text message, otherwise, it didn’t matter. And I drifted off into dreamland.

I would be lying if I wasn’t kind of curious why he called me, especially so late… he used to know I liked to be in bed and asleep by this time, but for the first time in months it didn’t bother me. I didn’t feel guilty. Had there been a voicemail I would have listened to it but otherwise, I didn’t care. I didn’t feel like I owed him anything. I was told in college after breaking up with a guy after a year and 4 months that how ever long you dated them, it took you that long to get over them. I’m not going to say at this point I was over him but I’d had enough time to step back and examine the relationship we’d had over the years. Was it bad, No, was it great, no. It wasn’t great. And for the first time in a long time I could see that.

Apparently when you get into situations that you even say you wouldn’t allow to happen, if you gradually go in, you gradually become accustomed to them and you don’t know any different. Again, he didn’t treat me terrible so please don’t read that wrong, but things weren’t all that great either. It was easier to see that once you step back and look from a different perspective.

I hadn’t thought about the ex in a while. At first after everything happened, I took pictures of him down in different places but I still had some up. The more I grew closer to this guy from my past the easier it was to take pictures down. I feel those pictures that were up were a constant reminder of how things used to be, even though they weren’t ideal, we are creatures of habit. You get into rituals and habits and it is very difficult to change. The change is the unknown aspect of anything and you don’t always know how to react to it. It is scary, sometimes dangerous, sometimes wonderful, but it’s that unknown that scare people into sometimes not wanting to experience what is in store for them.

I am the first to admit, I hate change. It scares the living daylights out of me. But for the first time I turned that fear over to God (just know I’m not putting my beliefs off on you, this is how I feel), I knew he had a great plan and something wonderful in store.

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