Dear God via the Dog

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Dear God:  Here is a list of
just some of the things I must remember
to be a good Dog:


1. I will not eat the cat’s food before he eats
it or after he throws it up.


2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish,
crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.


3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.


4. The sofa is not a ‘face towel’.


5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.


6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’s
underwear when he’s on the toilet.


7.  Sticking my nose into someone’s
crotch is an unacceptable way of saying ‘hello’.


8. I don’t need to suddenly stand
straight up when I’m under the coffee table.


9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before
entering the house – not after.


10. I will not come in from outside,
and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.


11. I will not sit in the middle of the living
room, and lick my crotch.


12. The cat is not a ‘squeaky toy’,
so when I play with him and he makes that noise, 

it’s usually not a good thing.

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