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My whole life everyone has told me, don’t rush things… they were referring to relationships, families, kids, etc.  So I didn’t.  Partially by choice and partially because I didn’t find the right guy at the right moment… the right moment being God’s moment.  I believe he has a set time for everything (or fairly close…) And no I’m not going all religious here… This is my belief, I’m not pushing it off on you…

So When you start dating someone the first question you hear is:

So when are you getting engaged?

Doesn’t matter if he is the right guy or not… it’s all about that engagement…

So then you finally decide yeah, maybe this is the right guy and you make it official, you become engaged, the next question you hear is:

So when is the wedding?

It could be the exact day of the proposal and you haven’t even had a chance to think/talk about it…

So then Once the wedding has come and gone it is:

So when are you having kids?

Seriously?  I just got married {a day, a week, a month, 6 months, a year} ago… Can I not enjoy some hubby/me alone time first?

So finally you bring in the first child, then it is:

So when are you having the second?

Everyone always says don’t rush things but then they immediately start in on these questions when something monumental happens.  Why is there such a rush?  I hear kids are the greatest thing but you know… isn’t it better to build a solid foundation for your marriage before adding children and that stress?  And don’t get me wrong, we all know we stress about kids, are they sick, are they healthy, do they have enough to eat, clothing, school, and the list goes on and on.

But why not allow Newly weds to be newly wed before hounding them about children?  I came back from my honeymoon (I’ve now been married just shy of 8 months) and people were already hounding me about when am I going to have kids.  1 week people…  It made me want to look at them and say “NEVER!”

My usual smart a$$ remark is, “I have a step-daughter and a pup (now 2 pups), I have all the kids I need for a while.” 

Which come on, seriously, that’s the truth at 1 week married.  My opinion, that’s the truth at 1 year married.  Solid foundation people!!  Now some people don’t have that luxury because the only fool proof option is abstinence… a friend of mine learned that… 5 months married and she wound up pregnant.  and 5 months after she had him she realized she was pregnant again.  There’s 13 months between her kids.  Would she trade them for the world… NOPE but would she have liked to have waited just a bit… I’m fairly certain.

Ok so I’m 27 years old… I’ll be considered an older parent than probably most of my kids classmates but you know, my mom was 28 when she had me and my dad was 32.  I was their first and only.  I asked them one time why my parents were so much older than other’s parents and they told me that they were settled in their jobs and their finances.  They faced struggles yes but it wasn’t nearly as hard as some of my friends parents stories I heard about.  Granted I wasn’t there during my parents struggles or my friends parents struggles, just going off stories both my parents told me and my friends parents told me.  I liked the stability my parents had and don’t tell but my parents were (and still are which you can tell them) both really cool! 🙂

If you don’t have that solid/stable foundation for your marriage, it’s similar to the old High School school of thought… a girl thinks she’s losing her boyfriend so she sleeps with him so hopefully she’ll get pregnant because he won’t leave her if she has his baby.  And HELLO… it doesn’t work that way 99% of the time…  Or the girl who is getting abused by her significant other and a friend says, “Oh if you have his baby he’ll love you both and he’ll quit beating you up…”  Again HELLO… kids aren’t the answer.  They are just a fabulous addition so why not get that fabulous foundation for them to be added to?

But if you’ll notice, a lot of Hollywood people are having children later in life, so I guess I won’t have the ONLY kid with older parents when it comes time in our life to add that addition, but you know, there is absolutely NO rush!!!

The first year presents it’s own troubles, why add a kid into that mix?

But I just want to know why there is such a push when everyone says… DON’T RUSH THINGS?

0 thoughts on “WhY?

  1. I experienced this same thing. People asked us all the time, even though they knew both of us were still in school. We came to an agreement on when to have children and when we're asked now, we just say we don't know. Haha!

  2. While I totally agree that people outside of your life are far too pushy with the kid issue (I had people asking me at my wedding reception… not kidding) I think that it's all relative to the relationship. I know a handful of friends and family members who had kids quickly and to be honest I think it's all about having a solid faith to base your family around. (Not to get all religious on you but…) being Catholic I'm all about big families and using GFP (God's Family Planning) to decide when we have children. If it's God's will than it's the best plan for my family. I don't think there should be one stipulation or another set to every marriage. My husband and I hit our 1 year anniversary just before we got married and many people thought it was fast but we've had so few MAJOR problems in the first year and change of being married that it's proof of God's plan and glory.

  3. I don't get it either regardless of how old you are. I'm 33 & while we prob won't wait another 3-4yrs, I'm well aware that I'll prob be one of the older parents in my kids kindergarten class but I'm ok with that – heck, my mom was 42 when she had me & that was in the late 70's (I'm old LOL)!! People keep asking us the same Q & I keep saying we need a house 1st. I mean we live in a 1bdrm, where am I gonna put a kid & all the stuff a kid needs??

    My MIL is foaming at the mouth for kids. Whenever she asks me I ask her if she's gonna retire or pay for daycare. LOL

  4. Oh I hear you!! People really jump the gun!! I think it's hard because the older generation had kids SO young and got married SO young, tha tthey think waiting to age 30 to have kids is ridiculous. At least that seems to be my experience!

  5. I totally get it!! I never did until we got engaged! Then less then 24 hours after the ring, when's the wedding date?? It hadn't even sunk in that we were engaged yet! We're not even married and I'm getting the “So, how long do you think it will be before you start having kids?” I'm def. not going to rush things!! xo

  6. Oh I def get you girl! Eespecially since we have been married almost 4years we get the “when are you having kids” question ALL the time! I am waiting till I'm done with my degree in 6 months so I will be a mom before 30 hopefully but I will be 28 next week, def NOT old and 27 isn't either lol 🙂 I really don't care what people think though it's OUR life you know???

  7. I defiantly agree with having some just hubby and you time after marriage.. because after kids come along, that is gone for a verrry long time. And I hear ya on people asking questions, everyone does it, everyone has experienced it. I think mostly people just like to flap their jaws for something to say. I tell ya what though, my hubby and I shocked people. We got engaged, decided that night on a wedding date. So imagine people's shock when they asked and we spouted off the date.. which was 6 weeks later. Ha!!!

    I also think it depends on the the couple too.. we were married a year and a half before I got pregnant. But I wanted to be done having kids by the time I'm 30… That's just me. Of course, I started younger than most. Married at 21, baby on the way at 23, 2nd baby at 25! 😉
    But that is just how I roll! My best friend said she wanted to be married 2 years before they had kids, well sure enough, 2 years to their exact wedding day… surprise! 😉

  8. Having a child is a big deal. Not only should it not be rushed, but there are LOTS of people who should have thought long and hard about whether or not they even wanted to have children, not when they were going to have them. You don't HAVE to have kids just because you are married, just like you don't HAVE to get married.

    I knew I wanted to be married at least 2 years before I had a baby because I figured if we were honest with each other, we'd know for sure if it was going to work after 2 years. My daughter was born in December and we celebrated our 3rd anniversary in March. Of course this was all 15 years ago!

    It's your decision if and when. Don't let anybody tell you different!

  9. I will tell you what my mom told me. Have fun. Enjoy yourselves now. Especially if down the line you do want to have a child together. I was 27 when I had my first and 35 when I had the last. We were married 4 years when baby #1 came into our lives. Best decision ever. Don't rush. And yes, a step daughter, pups and all the other critters you care for are enough for now.

  10. I'm one of those chronic “askers” – (Lindsay knows this, I was probably one of the first who asked her hours after getting engaged if they'd set the date!) – try not to be too upset with these people. I can only speak for myself, but it's my way of expressing my excitement. I started asking my sister when she was having kids shortly after she got married – but only because I was just SO EXCITED to be an auntie. (They made me wait 3 years!!)

    As for being an older parent – hey, everybody travels their own path. I'm 27, unmarried, totally single, and I have to stop and breath from time to time to remind myself that just because all (literally ALL) of my friends are in relationships, married, and having children, that I don't have to rush to join them. My mom was in her early thirties and my dad was 40 when they had me, and my brother came after that! There seriously is NO RUSH 🙂

  11. we all have to make the right decision on when we feel that we are ready for children.

    My husband and I comfortable with having our first child. We want future children but not too soon. We got to enjoy two years of married life just us, and it will be great to enjoy time with one child.

    Down the road I am sure we will add more. I am excited to be adding on to our family, but every one has their own time line.

  12. People have no respect for privacy anymore. Isn't it the COUPLES choice as to when they get married/have kids?!

  13. People have no respect for privacy anymore. Isn't it the COUPLES choice as to when they get married/have kids?!

  14. We were together nearly five years before we got married. I didn't have The Offspring until I was out of my 20s … we lost two before we were Blessed with her. I look at my life and I cannot imagine having her at a younger age. Interestingly enough most of her friends' parents are our age… I guess we're not alone in waiting.

    Speaking of waiting… did you hear about the 61 year old grandmother who recently was a surrogate? She carried her granddaughter!

    Stef at TooMuchToDoSoLittleTime.com

  15. While we're not religious a lot of my friends who are say that God has equipped them with the means to provide for themselves and their family. While they rely on God for the things they can't control, they thank God for the things they're able plan for.

    I think it is wonderful that you are so solid on your choices in family. You and your prince charming know SO much better than anyone who wants to give you their 2 cents!

    Oh – but watch out about that “old for kids at 27” stuff – you're YOUNG still, enjoy it!

  16. I totally agree with you!! People ask me ALL THE TIME when we are having kids!! We just aren't quite ready yet! I definitely think that our society rushes through life in general!

  17. I believe the answer is “because snakes don't have armpits” translation ,I have no idea, but I tell ya it is irritating .In my case even more so because I was unable to have kids ,a nd people thought it was perfectly okay to badger me about that and what I was doing to fix the problem? Some things are not meant for casual conversation folks!

  18. I think a lot of older parents say that to their kids. Mine did.
    We got married in '74 and had our first in '81. Almost '82. We weren't ready and didn't want kids before then.

    And when he agreed to change dirty diapers, we were ready. 😉

  19. that's so true. everyone tells you to savor the moment, that time goes so fast, but then they start pushing your life along. funny, isn't it?!

    we're getting married in the fall, so it's only a matter of time before the “when are you having kids?” questions start…

  20. I completely agree. If I had let people rush me into things, I would be divorced WITH kids which is ten times worse than just being divorced.

    It wasn't until year 2 or 3 of our marriage that I found out the extend of my ex's drinking problems. It's so much better to wait and have all the information, to really have your ducks in a row before committing to raising another human being for the rest of your life.

    I'm 36 so I probably won't ever have kids at this point and it's actually fine with me. I love the freedom I have and don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. I also see the stress that my peers with kids are under. It's a lot to commit to, so why be in a hurry to commit to it? People truly underestimate the responsiblity of raising a child.

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