Crossroads In My Life

Spread the love

I swear I have hit a crossroad in my life.
In just over a month I’ll be my last year of my twenties.
That’s very surreal!
And almost terrifying!
I feel like I just graduated college (the first time).
I feel like I don’t fit in with the younger 20’s crowd.

I’ve never been a “party” girl.
I’ve been drunk 1 time in my life and it sucked!
I’ll never do it again!
I’ve been tipsy less than a handful of times.
Definitely not worth it.
Actually going to parties (when I actually did), I was the Designated Driver.
I could actually go to a party and not drink.
And no that’s not to say the younger 20’s crowd parties indefinitely.
Just saying.

I may be a step-mother, but I don’t feel like a mother.
My {step}daughter is only with us every other weekend.
I kind of feel like an aunt.
She calls me mom though.
I didn’t carry her to full term.
I wasn’t there when she was born.
I wasn’t there for the first smile
The first step.
The first word.
The first day of school.
I didn’t come into her life until she was 6 1/2.
I was there after that.
She’s now 9.

I don’t feel like I get to brag about my kid like other people do.
She is mine.
Ask her.
She’ll tell you.
She claims me.
In fact a few weeks ago she was with us a few days longer.
I said to her something about going home (meaning her mom’s).
She looked at me and said, This IS my home.
I still feel like people judge me for being a step-mom.

I’m not into my career, at least I hope.
I have work “friends”.
We don’t go and do things on the weekend.
We don’t hang out.
In fact I’m a good 10-20 years younger than some of my friends.
A lot of them have kids my age.
I sometimes think they look at me like a kid.
Maybe I am.
But I don’t feel like one.

I was older when I got married.
I was 27.
I doubt I could have gotten married any younger.
I wasn’t mature enough.
Ok maybe that’s not totally true.
But right out of high school, definitely not.
Couple years into college, still not.
Right out of college, maybe, but it would have been rocky.
When I got married, It was still rocky, but there was some solid ground to stand on as well.
Even if just a teeny, tiny bit.

I feel like I’m about 24 or 25.
My body thinks I’m 80.
I’ve been told I act like a 50ish year old.
Other times I could so be 16.
I think we’re all that way at times though.

I don’t know where I’ll go next.
I don’t know what life is going to throw at me.
I’m scared.
I know I should be.
I am though.
I do have God on my side.
He looks out for me.
Sometimes I don’t understand his ways.
Oddly enough he see’s the big picture I can’t.
You can’t.
None of us can.
But He can.

So I guess I’ll continue on.
Please someone invite me into your group though!
I feel like a loner sometimes.
I’m nice.
I promise.
I’ll take you horse back riding!
And if all else fails, I cook ;).

Snookums – She’s really grown since last year!

0 thoughts on “Crossroads In My Life

  1. Boy, I hear you on the being scared. You can bet I'm right there with you.
    You're as old as you think you are, but yeah, my body is right there, too. Not sure it's 80, but it's definitely not 21 any more.

    Have a blessed weekend. ♥

  2. I think we were meant to be bff's
    This post I could have written only changing up a few parts
    I'm lying in a hospital and have not had 1 single visit or call other than my family
    I'm truly such a loner

  3. I'm in my last year of my twenties too and I feel like it's a confusing time but def making progress haha 🙂

  4. Wish you were closer girl! I am older than you but I would love to visit and go riding .
    I read a quote once that said
    ” It doesn't matter how rich or successful you become , what matters is you make a difference in the life of a child” I am not a mom either in that I have no children of my own, but I have a wealth of wonderful kids in my life who swear I have made a difference. As I know you have and continue to with TBug

  5. I seriously want to move down and be your friend! I feel the same way. Even having Hayes I still don't feel like a mom. I don't have a single mom friend. The friends I have from high school still aren't even married, and we are just at different stages in life. I go to work and come home and feel so unfulfilled. I feel like life is passing me by. I am not doing what I want to be doing for work. I'm not doing what I want to outside of work. I need a friend other than hubby.

  6. You can be in my group!! I am just a few years older- will be 32 but yea totally stuck in the middle. A lot of my friends there oldest kid is only 4- so I feel old when I am with them– but then other people have kids already in junior high so I feel young… just an interesting stage in life.

  7. Obviously we all can relate to your post in some way. It's sad that I thought all the “cliques” would end in high school – but it totally follows you forever. I don't fit in with my kids' friends moms – you have your stay at home moms and the others are either older or younger and we just don't mesh. I have very FEW friends and it sucks.

    For the record, I totally think we'd be friends – and enjoy chatting with you as we do. It's nice to have someone to do that with.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *