Evil Step Mom
I’ve been thinking…. a lot…. but again it started up yesterday based off a movie we watched, the 1961 (original) version of The Parent Trap. Step mothers tend to get a bad rep! Think about that movie (whether new or old) the soon to be step mother was a real wench. Once she got her foot in, then the daughter was to be sent off to boarding school.
Think about Cinderella, the Wicked Step-Mother, she wasn’t nice to poor Cinderella. How about the version of Cinderella with Hilary Duff and Chad Michael Murray, A Cinderella Story, again another classic instance where Step mom = horrible!
Now think about the movie Step Mom with Julia Roberts & Susan Sarandon, that was actually a movie that proved that step-mom’s weren’t all bad, but still, movies like that are few and far between.
I was one of the lucky ones that grew up with both my parents, in fact this year they will celebrate 33 years together. I didn’t have a step mother or a step father for that matter growing up, but a lot of my friends did. And there were always different reasons but it seemed like 7 times out of 10 they all had the same opinion about their “step parent”… I hate them. Well it’s true, the step parent isn’t your real parents, but that thought of, “I hate them,” makes me sad now that I’m a step parent (although it made me sad then…).
When I first started dating my husband he told me a line his daughter said to him that has always stuck with me, “Daddy, I don’t want you to get remarried because step moms are evil.” Now I started dating my husband when his daughter was 6, so she was younger when she said this and I won’t lie, it made me sad. I’m lucky right now because she likes me, in fact she loves me, and if you ask her, she’ll tell you that, but I’m waiting for that moment when she will “hate my guts.” Maybe I’ll get lucky and she’ll just dislike me like any kid dislikes their parents at one time or another, you know because of the infamous “No” answer…
Then to add to these thoughts, you hear a lot of times about the mother in these split families, she goes on, gets remarried and generally tends to stay remarried. But on the flip side, I’ve heard a lot of stories of the father of that split family going through wife after wife, and again that makes me sad. What causes this? Is it just that women are more vocal about things and men tend to be quiet about these things, because yes that’s probably true compared to the overall scheme of how men and women operate. I know there are men out there that after the first divorce, get re-married and stay that way…
One day that really hit me pretty hard and had me down. I asked my husband why that was and that I wanted to know of one husband who once he got remarried just stayed remarried. For some reason I couldn’t think of any and that had me upset, that’s when my husband reminded me that I know of one, in fact they are very dear to my heart. I asked him who he was referring to and he reminded me that my grandparents were that way. Oh Duh…. I knew that… LOL. They were married 53 years and it would have been longer if cancer hadn’t taken my grandma in 07 and my grandpa in 08. Then he reminded me of my friends Jamie and Brian who have been married for 16 years and my friends Rachael and Andy who have been married for a few years (not sure the exact number) and lastly he said us, even though we’re only at 6 months, we’ll be one of those couples.
In these types of situations, the kids are the ones who suffer the most. Do they truly suffer, I think that just depends on the child at the time, but what I’m referring to is the fact that they have to split their time between parents and generally it isn’t equal split time with each parent so that’s not only hard on the child, but the parents. Some kids aren’t lucky enough to have both parents who want to spend time with them either. There are so many different circumstances out there that you can’t lump everyone in to the same boat.
I think my {step} daughter has it pretty lucky for the conditions she has… she has 4 parents (even though I can’t truly speak for her mom and step-dad, but by their actions they show it) who love her. She has more sets of grandparents that love her than she probably knows what to do with, but most importantly she has people who love her. That’s the main part.
I just truly hope she never looks at me as the evil step mom.
It does make me feel good when she says she loves coming to our house and when she doesn’t want to leave. Apparently we are doing something right, I hope 🙂
This is interesting to read. My parents are recently divorced but I doubt they'll marry again. It sounds like your step daughter is a very blessed little girl! She's so lucky to have so many wonderful people that love her.
I think the fact that you saeem to have a good working relationship with your T-bugs mom and step dad, and that you are such a sweet and loving lady yourself speaks to how well it can and will hopefully continue to go
I was blessed to have both my parents together. We celebrated their 50th wedding anniv. last summer in Gulf Shores, AL. But I was a single mother and my hubby came into the picture late. My daughter was 10 and my son was 13. My daughter had the biggest issue with it. She wanted me all to herself. Her father hadn't had much to do with her, at all, after the divorce.
My daughter has finally come around, now that she is 20, and loves my husband. Calls him, her dad. He's the one who has always taken care of her. My son has always had his dad in the picture even though his father moved back to SW MO.
And even though I was truly blessed to have wonderful parents, my mom couldn't get pregnant so my bro, sis and I are all adopted. All from different families. None of us look a thing alike! I consider myself blessed twice!
I am sure you have nothing to worry about. You are so sweet and loving towards her and you are just such a great person to begin with. She is lucky to have you in her life!!
I grew up with an evil step-mom. She was a gold digging woman with a daughter my age. Since she didn't work (but my dad did!) I spent most of my time at their place with her. It was horrible and whenever I'd explain it to my father he'd tell me to stop victimizing myself. That really hurt.
When I got to my teens I let that horrible woman ruin my relationship with my father. It wasn't until college that my dad started to “see the light” and he finally ended their relationship. Just the other day, over dinner, my dad acknowledged how the evil step mom stole years from our relationship.
Growing up with so many friends who had wonderful step parents, it was hard for me to not blame myself. Why didn't she want to include me, teach me, love me?
Now that I know she suffers from bipolar disorder, things have become a lot more clear and I am very thankful for having a wonderful mother that helped me get through this!
I'm so sorry that horrible step mothers like mine ruin the name for step-mom's everywhere. Through your blog I can truly see that your love your daughter from another mother!
The step-parenting thing can be difficult. We will celebrate our 11th anniversary this year – so my husband has stuck it out. The first 5 years were really hard with his kids. They were teenagers when he divorced and I was the “evil” other woman. Over time as they have gotten to know me, we have become friends. But it was hurtful. My kids were 6 & 8 when we married. They never had a problem — they figured they got two homes, two allowances, two family vacations and a lot more aunts and uncles out of the bargain.
TBug has it great… She as a step-mom who loves her and respects her. She is very blessed!
TBug's mom must be so VERY HAPPY to have such a great step-mom in her daughter's life.
Stef at TooMuchToDoSoLittleTime.com
I think it's a big crapshoot, if you pardon the expression (can't think of any other word for it). Sometimes you get the right partner, and sometimes you don't. Just because it didnt' work for someone else, doesn't mean it won't with you. Most of my friends are on their second marriages–and they have been married so long you'd never know there was one before, and their families are all together and love each other so much that you'd never guess that they were kids from their previous marriage.
Also, I think all girls hate everyone at one time or another–parents, step-parents, siblings, the cat…. It's just part of growing up 🙂
She has the sweetest, kindest and most beautiful step mom ever! Don't even think for a second you could be the evil step mom! You rock.
I am 100% sure that you are a wonderful stepmom! xo
First of all, I LOVE the Sarandon/Roberts movie (for a number of reasons I won't get into here).
Yes, there may come the day she *says* she “hate”s you – but it'll prob be when you guys won't buy her a new car, or let her go to Cancun on spring break or something.
As a non-parent & outsider? I think the key is that parents put the kids first, treat them with respect, be honest with them and above all – love em like crazy. You & PC DEF do that with T-bugg so I don't think you have anything to worry about.