Fear Rules
I show up every day, even multiple times per day and lately am unsure what to write. I start filling the blank white page with garble that’s rumbling around in my head and then I refuse to hit publish for fear. Fear of being judged. Fear of no one reading. Just… Fear.
I have another post sitting in my drafts, titled just that… Fear Rules. I was afraid to post it. I want to say the right words where I don’t sound pretentious. I’m not. If you knew me in person… I would hope I don’t come across that way. I don’t think I do…. Someone, please verify for me!
But fear. Sometimes fear rules. Last year my goal was to work on being happier. There were a lot of days that was a struggle. Life is hard. Wouldn’t it be nice if life was easy? I mean seriously think about that… but if it was so easy, would we get bored? Just a thought… Kenzie just made the comment that life is interesting. I told her to second that and she said she could probably third it even.I think this year is my year to focus on facing fears. I want a blog that is highly read, but I think personal blogs are a thing of the past. Lately, I have focused heart and sole on my other blog. It is so specialized that the readership isn’t just soaring through the roof, but I love it. I want to feel this way about this blog. Once upon a time, I had a pretty good following here… but that has gone by the wayside. Most of the people who read no longer blog. Those that still read (and blog), I love you! You keep me going.
You may lurk in the shadows… you may be publicly seen (via comments), but either way you are amazing and I am grateful for you! Thank you. I promise to be better. I’m trying. Some days it is hard to write because the topic I want to address because it is sooooooo controversial. That’s where that fear may take over. Who knows if I’ll ever come out with some thoughts or not, but my plan is to show up, be present, and keep writing this blog. I love writing. I also love this blog. One of my goals is to be a published writer… for now, I guess this is how I’ll accomplish that. We’ll see if that fear can be overcome too!
Oh Nicole, we are so much alike it is scary. lol I feel much the same way about my own blog. I keep going back, but I also believe personal blogs are becoming a thing of the past. But I love to write, and that is my outlet. If I stop blogging, I’d stop writing altogether, and I need to keep that outlet open. So I guess it doesn’t matter who’s reading, as long as I’m still writing. I also shy away from topics because of fear, as well. I was so nervous last week writing about the men in Hollywood post for fear of offending someone. There’s also a lot of personal stuff I simply cannot address in a public forum. Maybe time to take up private journaling? Gosh, I haven’t done that since high school… Anyways. You’re not alone in these feelings. At all. Hope you know that 🙂
I read every post but i dont usually leave a comment. If you keep writing , i will start commenting more.. deal??? LOL
Donna, NY
I never had a diary.
Don’t force yourself to write, you might come to hate it.
I wrote more before we retired. Not so much any more. We don’t do a lot, and I am okay with that.
Very personal things, I don’t share. Period. If I share with family, I email.
I try to write for my mom. But again, we email every day, so why?
Do what makes you happy. I don’t think I knew you had a second blog; but if that one makes you happier, by all means write there and don’t worry about this one.
Thank fb for fewer bloggers. And twitter (where you will never find me). People share (or write) stuff there you’d never find in a blog, and I think blog world is better for that.