How to Fake being a Stay at Home Mom/Wife

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You should have dinner ready every night when your husband comes home.
How do you do that? Stay tuned to find out!!
1. Go to the store.

2. Buy dinner already prepared, all you have to do is heat it/cook it.

3. Go home and unload produce on a cookie sheet, turn the oven on.

4. Hide the evidence. Come on people… that’s a must!

5. While at the store, realize that the only stuffed Jalapeños wrapped in bacon have crab meat and while your husband would like those, you’re not so crazy about them.

6. Buy ingredients to make them yourself.

7. Get home and realize you wear contacts and you have to cut up Jalapeños.

8. Go looking for gloves.

9. #fail. No gloves to be found so decide to use ziplock baggies as gloves.

10. Try to cut jalapeños in half with ziplock baggie. Almost cut finger. Finally get all cut apart.

11. Realize now you have to clean seeds out. Seriously debate scrapping the idea.

12. Realize that they would taste Oh So Good so continue on.

13. Stuff with cream cheese.

14. Wrap with bacon.

15. Discard all things the Jalapeño stuff touched.

16. Place cookie sheet in oven.

17. Forget to turn on timer.

18. Guess at how long everything has been in there.

19. Husband comes home.

20. Brag you’re such a good housewife

21. He sees the mess on the floor.

22. #fail.

23. He asks what’s for dinner.

24. You smile.

25. Get heads out of gutter.

26. Timer goes off.

27. Get food out of oven

28. Dish up plates.

29. Eat dinner.

30. Realize you didn’t take evidentiary proof… so you photograph what’s left.

31. Husband guesses where the chicken came from. #fail.

32. Husband thinks that your twice baked potatoes were made at home… not store bought. Score!!!

**disclaimer** I’m just being funny. I’m not a housewife although that might be fun, it’s tough work! I’m trying to find a job this summer. Wish me luck… I need it!

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