I'm sorry, I needed to vent

Okay I know I’m getting to the point here lately that I have almost 2 posts a day and this one will actually make 3 for the day and I’m sorry but I’m so frustrated. Sometimes this is an outlet and today this happens to be the route this is taking. And maybe I should just suck it up… I have for a long time but sometimes it becomes to much.

I am an only child. Always have been, always will be… LOL. On my mom’s side of the family, no cousins. On my dad’s side of the family there is one other grandchild. My cousin who is 1 year older than me almost to the day. She is 1 year, 1 month and 3 days older. There has always been some tension in my family and it started the year my cousin was 1 and I was about 6 months old. I guess the story goes (from what I’m told) that my mom bought a family present for my cousin, aunt & uncle instead of a present for them and one for my cousin. She was a year old so my mom figured. Well that started the rivalry between my aunt who pulled my grandma on her side and my mom. I guess it was so bad for a long time that my mom even refused to go to my grandparents. I have no idea, I was to little to know or care.

So my cousin and I being a year apart, there was always that rivalry it seems like siblings go through. I’m not sure, I don’t have one… so I’m just guessing but… my cousin was the taller, prettier, older one until I hit my growth spurt and grew almost 5 inches taller than her. She hated that. She also hated the fact that I am well endowed. One day I got sick of listening to her and blurted out, would you like me to cut them off and you can glue them on?

But I’ve always over come this. She was my cousin after all but I’ve always felt like I was second to everyone when it came to her. If it was between me and her friends, she went with her friends. She’s ditched me more than once for her friends. So when I was 15 and she was 16 she made me make her a promise that I would be in her wedding, she would be in mine. When my mom found that out she was pissed at me but I told her she was my cousin after all and hey at least I’d get to be in someone’s wedding right.

I told my cousin I wanted to know instantly when she got engaged. So when my cousin got engaged she called me one day almost 2 weeks after the fact to tell me 1st that I wasn’t going to be in her wedding. Only her friends were and 2ndly she wanted me to do her flowers. Well I was upset and so I told her I was a senior in college I wouldn’t have time to do her flowers for her wedding, sorry.

She unfortunately became sort of a bridezilla when it came to that wedding. I tried to stay out of it and told my grandma I didn’t want to know when she’d try to involve me. I did go to the wedding, she is my cousin after all, I even bought her a present. Well at that time in my life I was dating someone and had been for a while. She and her husband moved to Maine but before she moved she told me that no matter what, let her know when my wedding was and she’d make it a point to be here.

When she does come to MO she only contacts me through facebook which I’m weaning myself off of AND I’ve sent her message after message, this is my cell number, call me, text me, something. The last time she came here she knew weeks before, I saw from her status, she contacted me through facebook the day she landed about meeting up. She chose a time I had to work and couldn’t get out of work. This is what I’ve dealt with my whole life, I should be used to it. Heck I had to find out through facebook she was pregnant with her little girl a year ago. Come on… I am family, not some random bloke. (haha like my Aussie word :))

So when the love of my life and I got engaged we let her know. He’s even pretty sure we let her know when we set for the wedding date. So I sent her an invite and I got a card in the mail today from her that says they won’t be able to make it but here’s a $25 gift card to Lowes for our new house and there was a book on Love. I was disappointed in her. My dad said I should be used to it, it happens that way ever time. It’s always about her and I should have known better than that but I can’t help it, I was a little disappointed in her. Especially because I know she and her husband have gone all over the US to attend their friends weddings.

Just after her wedding, her parents split up and eventually got divorced. As her wedding plans happened she started disowning her mother’s side of the family, the side that I’m on. In fact I think I’m the only one on this side of the family that will even talk to her and she doesn’t really try to contact any of us. She will her mother every once in a while but I knew she was pregnant before her mother knew. Oh well whatever, I should be used to it. And I’m sorry to waste your time if you stuck through this and read with me. I was just disappointed and let down. What’s new. My wedding will go on and it’ll be beautiful!

I guess if you aren’t disappointed sometimes, you won’t truly cherish the GREATNESS in your life!

Peace, Love & Disappointment